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 Do You Like My Story?

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AuthorMessage
Gage
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Number of posts : 121
Do you believe? : Yes, most definately!
Faerie Experience? : 3 to 4 years
Registration date : 2009-01-17

PostSubject: Do You Like My Story?   Sat Mar 07, 2009 4:13 pm

Here is an excerpt of a novel i am working on..

LEAVE FEEDBACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I
The Growing Of The Young

The land of NetherWorld was a peaceful one. It was protected and guarded by the great Aon, four-armed lion god of time. He took care of the border between their world and ours. The sky was kept in close watch by Skyon, the angelic deity who in which brought day and night to NetherWorld. He would bring the armored angels. Even Salon, the goddess of the earth and sea below. They each cared for each part of the earth. That is, until, Skyon created a great crystal of holy forces intended to give the angel inhabitants life. Aon created a great vortex through the very rip of NetherWorld to hide the crystal and protect it from any power-thirsty inhabitants.
But with every holiness, there must be a darkness to make a balance...
Soon, an evil force spread out from under the sea into the very skies. This inky force was so ultimately powerful, it ripped through the very skies and rip of the border between space itself. The crystal was destroyed and crushed like a coiling snake wrapping and squeezing around until it was crushed. The shards of this great crystal was broken into many pieces and shoved into the ground, pieces sticking up as knives. The shower of glass forced into the backs of the winged and footed citizens, blood being squirted into the air. The people of their land were mauled. People died by the millions.
After the great incident the gods were at war. Aon blamed Skyon and Salon for tearing the rip between his great title. Salon defended herself, “If it came from the seas, It could not have been my creatures My people were all gathered around in a meeting with the land-footed.”
Skyon added, “Why would I destroy my own creation? Now anyone can just use the shards of aura for their own use, no matter their intentions”
Aon was always the defensive one, being the biggest, he loved to set example, “It was my work of protecting the crystal” The gods separated, and from then on, the land was broken. The earth and sea could not even touch the skies... And Aon was split in half by the two universes, bringing NetherWorld closer to Earth.
And that, is where our story begins...
#
Tuk walked over to the bushes, reaching out his hand. The locusts leaped onto his hand and climbed up his shoulder, “Good girl, Isis!” The bug chirped in his ear, as if trying to speak. Only Tuk could understand her, for they were best friends ever since he was born. He was born from his mother Juliana in the forests of Brooke ten years before. He was left by the side of the river, and was left there to be fed to the coyotes by night. Yet instead of being eaten, he fell into the river, the infant almost drowning. Isis was the one to lift him up, and it was unbelievable considering Isis’ size.
Isis and Tuk became friends at first sight, and Isis was more than a pet. To Tuk, she was a sister. She was his only family. His guide. His protector. They were so close they grew an astral bond. Tuk could read Isis’ thoughts.
This way. Lets go, she thought.
Tuk ran out of the woods, until he came to a small stream. “We can get water from here,”
he told Isis. He sat on his knees and took a clay pot of earth and sunk it into the running water. He lifted the pot, said a prayer to Salon, goddess of nature and water (for he was land-footed), and sipped the clear water. Isis leaped on to the water and took a drink as well. He did this many times, going deeper and deeper and further down with the clay pot. Soon he heard something clink to the bottom of the pot. He put his arm down into it and pulled out what looked like clear glass. “What could this be, Isis?”
I don’t know. Nothing I’ve ever seen before.
Then, the earth began to tremble. It made Tuk fall, and Isis fell on his shoulder. The quake decreased rapidly. And looking behind them, they saw an old man in a silk white robe. He had small whiskers and brown arrows on his hands. The stick he held was gripped slightly, and he walked closer. “It is a crystal. One of the many, Tuk.” He grinned, revealing a small fang.
“H-how do you know my name?” the boy added.
“I know everyone’s name. Just as I know the locust grasshopper on your shoulder is Isis, one of my friends. All of nature is my friend, for I am Manabush, wisest in all of the holy lands. Walk forward, lad.”
Tuk was hesitant to move. The man could have been anyone. Isis whispered in his ear to comfort him, It’ll be okay. He’s safe. He stepped forward slowly. The old man nodded, “Come on, I don’t bite. Not unless I have too.” Manabush chuckled. Tuk went to him, and didn’t breathe. He wasn’t use to strangers. Manabush circled him, smiled, and stopped, “Good. Good. Really good. You’re perfect.”
“Perfect.. For what?”
“How would you like to follow me, Manabush of Nature, and become my apprentice, eh? I can teach you all there is to know about the ways of Rin. For I sense a great energy within your body. Great things will come of you, I am sure of it.”
Many things spiraled in the boy’s head, “Apprentice? Me?”
He nodded.
“Great. But, how to I become an apprentice?”
Isis laughed, An apprentice is a follower. It was a shock to Isis that Manabush acted as if he heard Isis’ thoughts. She moved.
“Do not be afraid. You are our friend, like everyone else here near the streams and forests. So what will it be, boy?”
“Sure.. But, what shall I do? I have never been an apprentice before.”
“Afer I have trained you and taught you the ways of Rin, I will take you through my land, and together we shall gather more crystals like the one in your hands. Give me your pot, I will cleanse the shard and we will sleep here for the night. It is getting late.”
Everything was so sudden. He was just an orphan guarded by a small locust, and within fifteen minutes, he was an apprentice of a small old man from oral legend. Being only ten years old, he was the youngest apprentice there was. Apprentices were all over. Since the three gods of NetherWorld split, many land, sky, and water-foots tried to become the next major deity. He handed the whiskered-man the pot and glass shard from his hand. The robed man leaned down, filled the pot with water, and lay the pot into the luminous glow of the moon. As the crystal fell to the bottom of the hard cold clay, a beam of light connected it and the moon together like magic. Manabush called it cleansing. They set up the campfire and sat down cross-legged. He was silent, and so was the old master. After many odd moments, Tuk kneeled, “What is Rin?”
“Rin? Well, that is a long story.” Manabush replied.
“I don’t mind.”
“Well... It all began when the land was new. Aon wrote a long book called ‘The Book of Aon’. He passed this down to Skyon, and made ‘The Book of Skyon’. And he did the same with Salon..This became a long book, almost long enough to take centuries to read. After a long time, this book was as worshiped as the crystal and the gods themself.
“That was when Rin came in. He was a great scholar, just like me. He was the first fakir. He was another land-foot, yet had the education of a sky-foot. The gods separated our races by calling us ‘land-foots’, ‘sky foots’, and ‘water-foots’. Rin learned the ways of the fakir, and instead of calling it magic, he gave magic a name. His name. He worked on the power of Rin and made a book of it, ‘The Book of Rin’. He gave the land-foot translation of the books, a language in which all foot clans can understand. Thus, Rin was born.
‘But then, the darkness came into our world. It came from the other world. Not NetherWorld, but the world beyond. The gods and goddess fought and split, keeping their lands to themselves. Now, the land and sea-footed cannot even speak with the footed of the sky.”
“But who was it really controlling the darkness?”
“Drakovak.”
The name sheered into Tuk’s head. Drakovak, the name was pure evil. He moved, making Isis land on the wise whiskered-man’s lap.
“Heh. Drakovak came from the seas of Salon and crushed the crystal. He came out of the water, causing havoc amongst the clans.”
Isis flew to Manabush’ white hairs. And who are you?
“I am Manabush. I was born of a great spirit. I was the first born of four; Chipiapoos, keeper of dead souls; Wabosso, the northern manitou; and Chakenapok, the cruel brother of fire. I was born in a strange and unlikely path- I was turned into a hare magically. And as I grew older, learning the ways of nature, I grew into the old wizened man you see before you. I have come to change the ways of the footed clans. I have chosen you to help me. And I see you have taken on this challenge. I cannot lie, I must say this perilous journey will be a long one. You may never come back again, for you may not ever be seen alive again.”
Tuk laid down on the cold floor, curling up. He thought about what would happen the next day. Soon, looking into the moon, he fell fast asleep.

Tuk! Tuk! Hurry! Manabush is gone!
Tuk awoke slowly, getting off of the dirt floor. The man in the white robe was out of sight, and so was the pot and shard. He shook off the remaining dust on his rough clothing. The only thing he could think of was running into the woods. He ran and ran... Looked around... Turned a corner and...
Whack!
Manabush smacked his long staff into the apprentice’s head. :Ow!” Tuk yelled, “What was that for?”
“Lesson one, never let your guard down, no matter the circumstances. Here,” he threw Tuk a long stick, longer than his own, “fight me.”
“What?”
“You heard. Fight me.”
“I can’t fight an old man.” Tuk was smacked. “Fine, lets go.” Tuk swung his stick at Manabush. Yet, the staff of fury went behind the boy’s leg and tripped. “Ow, take it easy!”
“You must train. No apprentice of mine can be lazy. My apprentice must be strong, and a hard-worker.”
They thrashed at each other, back and forth. One smack on Tuk’ skull, another try at the great old man who was once a hare. The fight got better and better. For once, Tuk didn’t trip. The trees were beaten from misses and bad swings.

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To Siberia and Benjamin- I will see you again...
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Registration date : 2009-02-26

PostSubject: Re: Do You Like My Story?   Mon Mar 09, 2009 7:05 pm

Wow, that is good!

Very visual! I get a kick out of the name, Drakovac!

You are very skilled with writing.

Boldy
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PostSubject: Re: Do You Like My Story?   Mon Mar 09, 2009 9:17 pm

Here is Chapter II... (dont worry.. there was a small bit left out of h0w Manabush and Tuk go to Chenin to send a message..)




II
Murder In Chenin

Manabush was pacing in an strong manner, determined to get to the town. Tuk and Isis looked at each other, yet did not say a single word. Tuk was too tired to ask questions, and knew from the battle he had with the great hare, not to mess with him. Tuk was so surprised he could even hit him at all. Manabush was a legendary master, so what the man said was true: “Great things will come of you, I am sure of it.”
Chenin was a small farmers town, up northeast of the small forest Tuk once lived. He was not use to strangers. All his life he only knew of one other- Isis. There were farm maiden gardening the lush flowerbeds. Farmers at every corner; chatting with one another about their horses and chickens. A few of the farmer’s sons plowed the fields. Maple trees lied everywhere. It was like a never before seen beauty to Tuk. It made him forget about his wanting to go to sleep. Manabush looked forward at a young man, and the man looked back.
“Eh, Manny Nice to see ya,” he looked at Tuk, “and who might this fella’ be?”
“My apprentice, John. This boy comes by the name of Tuk, I found him by one of the streams.”
“Ah. Well, ‘ello Tuk Nice to meet ya. I am Farmer John Dee. You can call me John. Now, Manabush, there was something you had for me?”
“Yes. Tuk, stay here. And don’t be letting Isis spy for you either. I shall be back shortly.” Manabush and John walked inside of the barn, closing the door behind them. Tuk found it humorous that they walked into a barn of all places, but it was mid morning and there wasn’t many places to be in private.
Would you like me to try?
“No. He’ll only get mad. This is my chance to get out of here, Isis. I’m not alone anymore.”
You always had me.
“But I was still an orphan then.” Tuk noticed a small glow from the barn, “the shard ” Tuk and Isis leaned up against the barn door, trying not to make a noise. They looked through the small crack. Tuk pushed Isis away, “Shhh... He can hear your thoughts. You best stay back.” Tuk listened to the small murmurs of Manabush and the farmer.
“I found this at the bottom of the....”
“This? Whoa. That is one....”
“I know. I fear that Drakovak....”
“That is impossible What makes you say....”
“Look at it. It works. And for land-foots, too.....”
“They always have.”
“Yet if it reacts like this....”
After a few moments Tuk fell from the door, and behind it was John. “Well, Manny. I have to tell you it was great working with ya.” Tuk could tell it was an act.
“Yes, well. May I ask for an inn?”
“Ah, yes. The Moor Inn is down that way,” he pointed along the dirt road to a small wooden house, “the little one. Moor is the innkeeper there. She will be happy you have come to see her. May I ask for us to meet tomorrow?”
“That would be grand.” Manabush showed his fang again, and hid his hands in his robe as he walked away. “Tuk, Isis. Let’s go.”
Tuk stood up and held his hand for Isis to leap in, and lifted her on his shoulder. He began to whisper, “What was that all about.”
“Secret business. Nothing for you to get into.”
Tuk stopped, “Wait. I am your apprentice. I think if I am going to work for you, I need to know you wouldn’t keep things from me.”
“Heh. Smart boy. If you must know, I showed him the shard. He is an old land-footed buddy of mine. I let him have the shard, if anyone knows Drakovak and his powers, it’s him. He was an old studier in all of the gods and Rin. He is the only one I know who has read it other than me and the gods themselves.”
Isis leaped on Tuk’s head, Then how do you know him?
“I told you. He is an old buddy of mine. We have been friends longer than I can even remember.”

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To Siberia and Benjamin- I will see you again...
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